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The Gift of Suffering

by ericadcannon@gmail.com | Aug 19, 2019 | ego mind, freedom, words

Unbelievably, I’ve lived on St. Maarten, a tiny island in the Caribbean, for six and a half years. It’s been the gift of a lifetime.

I know, I know – sunshine and blue skies 97% of the year is obviously a gift. But, to the contrary, for the first four and a half years I oscillated between tolerating my life on this island and absolutely hating it.

What can I say? Good times.

The gift was in fact the sheer amount of misery I met during my time here. In semi-miserable circumstances (e.g., disliking many aspects of your job, indifference to your spouse, desiring more adventure in your life), most people keep chugging along. We have been taught after all that responsibility in adulthood means sacrifice and struggle, and that we must all be responsible.

So to a certain degree, since we all believe “the struggle is real” there is no real push to awaken unless it gets really bad. St. Maarten got me there. Who knows why even. I had no real issues on the island. I guess it was just a perfect storm – meet one or twenty shady people (could happen on Pluto), plus problems conceiving a child in a place not medically capable of addressing such an issue, add a dash of good friends moving away, and there you have it. Face to face with suffering.

So there I was sitting with suffering. Getting to know suffering. And it was somehow simultaneously gorgeous and ghastly. Suffering was 100% a mind created state. It was all of my tiny negative beliefs about life blown up to fill my sight lines in every direction I looked. When I met suffering, I realized that I was meeting my own mind. And it was out of freaking control.

I met my tendency to see the negative edge of the world rather than the humor and the joy all around me.

I saw my inclination to complain endlessly about the smallest slight rather than relishing the love in my life.

I noticed that for all the strength I thought I had, I enjoyed the role of victim and blaming others rather than seeing that they’re doing the best they can.

I saw clearly my preference for shutting down and pulling back to reflect on my own righteousness and innocence rather than face the tough emotions and situations present in my world.

And, in meeting my mind, I was able to see that it is not me. It never has been. I learned that I could take the time to be with these thoughts, to listen to them, to question their veracity, and choose to go beyond them, to live without them. Who am I when I’m not complaining? Being the victim? Being right? Who am I beyond those thoughts? Who are you beyond your repetitive negative thoughts? On the other side of suffering (read that: thought), I found that I am free.

And like that, bam, I floated into the here and now. I had fun being bad at things. I did just for the sake of doing. Of feeling. Of moving. Of hearing. Of being.

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hi, i’m erica

I’ve spent the last ten years helping people find their peace of mind, release their pasts, and enjoy the present moment with confidence, joy, and a clear understanding of what that really means.